7 Things I Wanted To Do After Watching The Greatest Showman (2017)

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I’m just too giddy to try and write an actual review of The Greatest Showman you guys. Not that my reviews are serious, well-written or articulated in the first place, but I can’t even bring myself to ramble about it. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE. I’d been excited to see it since the very first trailer, but I never thought it would suck me in like it did. Maybe motherhood has turned me into a big sap.

In fact, Jenna is up for writing on Flick Chicks again so I might be reviewing it over on that blog anyway!

Instead, I thought I’d share 7 things I wanted to do as soon as those credits rolled.

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1. Jump up out of my seat, sing and dance. It was the first movie I’ve ever seen where everyone clapped at the end. I live in the UK, we don’t normally do this. We pick up our empty cups of tea and quietly shuffle out of the room.

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2. Find the soundtrack on Spotify and play it as loud as possible. I did this on the drive home, then did it again the next day, only quiet because you know, baby in the car and all.

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3. Go and see it again. I don’t think it’ll happen, but my husband has been warned that he’ll be made to watch it as soon as it’s out on DVD or VoD.

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4. Re-watch High School Musical. Has anyone else missed Zac Efron singing and dancing just as much as me?

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5. Tell everybody about it until they hate me. Also, pronounce Hugh Jackman’s name as HUGE? ACKMAN? whenever possible.

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6. Visit a circus show. Get disappointed when it’s nowhere near as good.

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7. Daydream about Hugh Jackman (I’m trying not to say it…) in that red jacket. I do love a man in uniform…

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Review: Baywatch (2017)

baywatch-movie-review-2017Okay, so I still haven’t seen Wonder Woman (the world has decided I’m not meant to see it I swear) so I’m really sorry I’m presenting you with Baywatch rather than that. Hear me out though! I got an offer for a date night with my bestie, and it was going to involve Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream. I am a pregnant lady dammit, and I’m weak! Plus, I find Dwayne Johnson so irresistibly likeable, I felt like I owed him one.

In this remake of the original TV Show, Dwayne Johnson is the Lieutenant of Baywatch, or head of the Life Guards for a simpler term. Summer is here, and him and his team are holding tryouts for 3 new positions on the squad. Zac Efron is a twice Gold-winning Olympic swimmer who has been disgraced after throwing up in the pool, and so he’s been sent to the bay…I’m actually not sure why. It was some kind of plea deal?

See, the plot is kind of all over the place. It’s not enough to be a simple, summer comedy. It’s also a crime-solving movie, and Priyanka Chopra is our bad guy. She’s murdering people left right and centre, covering them up as accidents, so that she can…control some real estate? Again – I’m honestly not sure what exactly she was doing.

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All this would be forgivable in my eyes if the movie was funny, but it just isn’t. I chuckled a few times, I gagged at all 3 mentions of dead people smelling like dairy products (I’m feeling ill thinking about it) and I got bored very quickly of the penis jokes. Even this might be almost forgivable if I had some eye candy to admire, but as much as I love Zac Efron, he looks plain weird with his new, 5% body-fat self. Please refer to Ryan Reynolds in Blade Trinity for that one!

…Hold up, I lost about 10 minutes on Google image search there. What was I saying? I’m sorry Dwayne Johnson, I’m actually on your side in this Rotten Tomatoes battle you have going on, but this wasn’t the movie to use. A bit of stupidity is fun, look at San Andreas, but this was too much. There’s a moment when Zac walks past a sea urchin and Dwayne lectures him all about what they are and what they do – and then they simply walk off. “Oh” I think, “that’ll be important to the plot later then, us as the audience must be too dumb to know what a sea urchin is.” Low and behold! It turns up in the finale.

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I forgot about this scene. This was quite funny!

I have to mention the CGI too. On the whole it wasn’t too bad, but in an early scene with a boat on fire, with fire surrounding it in the water, I thought I might have been watching Sharknado. It was seriously THAT BAD. How much of the budget did they blow just to have David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson turn up?

I realise I’ve spent this whole post slagging the movie off, but it was a fairly enjoyable experience on the whole, it just was nowhere near as good as I hoped. I never expected a masterpiece, but I usually enjoy these summer comedies a lot more! Apologies to my friend Steph if she’s reading this and actually kind of loved the movie – I still had a really fun night!

Ideally I would give Baywatch 2 out of 5 concealed boners, or dead guy penises (penis’s? peni?) but that would be gross, so 2 important-to-the-plot sea urchins it is!

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