Going off Topic (#5) The chocolate on my biscuits has melted…

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It’s just too warm! I’m in the UK, it’s currently 29 degrees, (84 Fahrenheit for those that use it) I’m practically dying from hayfever, and I’m pregnant enough now that everyone I meet is asking me “how are you coping in this heat?”. Not well, thank you, I can’t sleep at night and my nose is at risk of dripping with no warning whatsoever. I can’t even enjoy a fruit cider or cocktail slushie in the garden, so go away and leave me to sulk!

Obligatory British-weather rant over.

So, I’ve kind of got back into the swing of blogging on a regular basis again! I had to take a break because I just found myself not really watching any movies, and that kind of makes it hard to actually blog about movies, you know? However, I’ve found my mojo again, even though I STILL haven’t seen Wonder Woman. The universe just doesn’t want me to. I’ve got plans to see it tonight actually, mainly as an excuse for cinnamon buns ice cream and an air-conditioned room. Keep your fingers crossed for me – I might be there tonight!

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I’ve kept fairly on top of blogging about everything that I’ve seen lately. In case you missed them, this month so far I’ve reviewed Shimmer Lake (2017), Fist Fight (2017), Before I Fall (2017), The Belko Experiment (2017) and Baywatch (2017). I doubt I’ll review it but I watched Tower Heist (2011) on a whim the other week. My husband and I stuck on a DVD, a trailer for that came on and we thought ‘eh, let’s see if we can watch that instead!’. It was alright, kind of what you’d expect with that title, but had some good stars in. I also watched CHiPS (2017) over the weekend, I kind of enjoyed it, but it wasn’t as heavy on the comedy as I thought it would be.

Last night I watched Personal Shopper (2017). I knew the name just because it was mentioned a lot in Cannes Film Festival posts I’d read, but I honestly had no idea what it was about. It stars Kristen Stewart, and with the title, I thought it would be some kind of ‘Devil Wears Prada’ kind of movie but it’s actually a spiritual ghost story! Not what I expected at all. It’s got a lot of depth and a very cryptic ending, which didn’t sit well with me, but made sense when I researched it afterwards. Not my cup of tea if I’m honest, but I wouldn’t begrudge anyone who loved it.

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TV wise, I’m loving the hell out of Fargo Season 3. I struggled with the first episode but it’s just gotten stronger each week. I’ve never seen David Thewlis like this before, in fact I actually struggle to watch some of his scenes. Ewan McGregor might just be my favourite actor of 2017 at this rate, and I’m dying to dig up some more of Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s filmography. The finale is this week, arghhhhh! I’m hearing a lot of good things about Twin Peaks, can any readers recommend that I give that a go once I have a Fargo-shaped hole in my life?

I wouldn’t ramble at you for 500 words without giving you something good to read at the end of it all, so here are some of my favourite posts from the last week or so:

Cinematic Corner reviews Wonder Woman – and she’s got me so hyped for it!

Two Dollar Cinema reviews The Mummy – I haven’t seen it myself but I can guarantee his review is more entertaining than the blockbuster itself!

Dell on Movies writes a moving post following the death of Adam West this month.

Life of this City Girl reviews my favourite food-related movie, Chef. Aaaaand now I’m hungry again.

Review: Baywatch (2017)

baywatch-movie-review-2017Okay, so I still haven’t seen Wonder Woman (the world has decided I’m not meant to see it I swear) so I’m really sorry I’m presenting you with Baywatch rather than that. Hear me out though! I got an offer for a date night with my bestie, and it was going to involve Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream. I am a pregnant lady dammit, and I’m weak! Plus, I find Dwayne Johnson so irresistibly likeable, I felt like I owed him one.

In this remake of the original TV Show, Dwayne Johnson is the Lieutenant of Baywatch, or head of the Life Guards for a simpler term. Summer is here, and him and his team are holding tryouts for 3 new positions on the squad. Zac Efron is a twice Gold-winning Olympic swimmer who has been disgraced after throwing up in the pool, and so he’s been sent to the bay…I’m actually not sure why. It was some kind of plea deal?

See, the plot is kind of all over the place. It’s not enough to be a simple, summer comedy. It’s also a crime-solving movie, and Priyanka Chopra is our bad guy. She’s murdering people left right and centre, covering them up as accidents, so that she can…control some real estate? Again – I’m honestly not sure what exactly she was doing.

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All this would be forgivable in my eyes if the movie was funny, but it just isn’t. I chuckled a few times, I gagged at all 3 mentions of dead people smelling like dairy products (I’m feeling ill thinking about it) and I got bored very quickly of the penis jokes. Even this might be almost forgivable if I had some eye candy to admire, but as much as I love Zac Efron, he looks plain weird with his new, 5% body-fat self. Please refer to Ryan Reynolds in Blade Trinity for that one!

…Hold up, I lost about 10 minutes on Google image search there. What was I saying? I’m sorry Dwayne Johnson, I’m actually on your side in this Rotten Tomatoes battle you have going on, but this wasn’t the movie to use. A bit of stupidity is fun, look at San Andreas, but this was too much. There’s a moment when Zac walks past a sea urchin and Dwayne lectures him all about what they are and what they do – and then they simply walk off. “Oh” I think, “that’ll be important to the plot later then, us as the audience must be too dumb to know what a sea urchin is.” Low and behold! It turns up in the finale.

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I forgot about this scene. This was quite funny!

I have to mention the CGI too. On the whole it wasn’t too bad, but in an early scene with a boat on fire, with fire surrounding it in the water, I thought I might have been watching Sharknado. It was seriously THAT BAD. How much of the budget did they blow just to have David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson turn up?

I realise I’ve spent this whole post slagging the movie off, but it was a fairly enjoyable experience on the whole, it just was nowhere near as good as I hoped. I never expected a masterpiece, but I usually enjoy these summer comedies a lot more! Apologies to my friend Steph if she’s reading this and actually kind of loved the movie – I still had a really fun night!

Ideally I would give Baywatch 2 out of 5 concealed boners, or dead guy penises (penis’s? peni?) but that would be gross, so 2 important-to-the-plot sea urchins it is!

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