This is slightly later than I was expecting, but I’m back! A few days ago I posted my 5 Best Movies of 2017 so far, and now I’m here with the worst. This is what’s strange though. It’s actually been REALLY difficult to scrape 5 movies together. Not because of trying to whittle them down to 5, but I just haven’t seen many bad movies so far! I’m putting that down to the fact I’m behind on recent releases and so I’ve concentrated on recommendations so far.
I almost wussed out and did a list of 4 but that just felt wrong, so I do have 5 movies for you. However! Take some of these with a pinch of salt, because the first 2 picks aren’t that bad at all, they’re just mediocre enough to make this list.
Oh, and another quick reminder, I go by UK release dates!
#5 Despicable Me 3
This is what I mean. So I actually quite enjoyed watching Despicable Me 3. Is it something I’ll ever watch again? Probably not. Oh wait, of course I will. Sometime soon my life is going to full of kids movies. The story is a little too simple. the plot predictable, and despite me not being a fan of their solo movie, the minions are still the funniest part. Nonetheless, I did quite enjoy Agnes’ quest to find a real unicorn! Did they really need to tie it in with that other Dreamworks movie, Sing?! Ugh.
#4 Before I Fall
Again, this movie isn’t so bad, it’s just quite forgettable. It’s the teenage-angst version of Groundhog Day, basically. A good premise, and again an ending I didn’t see coming, but the problem with these kind of movies comes with the repetition. How many times do you want to watch the same girl’s school ritual? Let’s just put these kind of movies in the same lock box as all the Freaky Friday ones. Funnily enough, the day after I saw this I spotted the trailer for Happy Death Day, so I guess these Groundhog Day movies are making a comeback. Sigh.
#3 Fifty Shades Darker
As a warm-blooded female, I’m really kind of neutral on the whole Fifty Shades business, I can enjoy the series for what it is, and it’s always a good excuse for a girls movie night, in or out. Whereas the first movie was quite funny however (intentional or not, who knows) this one lacked, and it was really quite obvious where its origins were, badly-written fanfiction. That ending was cringey as hell!
#2 Fist Fight
Eh, I kind of knew Fist Fight would end up in a list like this before I watched it, but I don’t mind sitting through an hour and a half of comedy with Ice Cube and Charlie Day. It has a few funny moments, mostly the same moments that were in the trailers, but it mostly falls flat. Enjoyable at the time, but I’m not going to remember this one in a year’s time.
#1 Baywatch
It ENRAGES me how bad this movie was. ENRAGES me. I LOVE Dwayne Johnson, and I’m 100% on his side for calling out the critics on their crap. But this wasn’t the movie to do that on the back of. All the elements of a decent summer comedy were there, so why did it suck so hard? Most of the jokes were completely forgotten the second I left the cinema, and not even Zac Efron’s body could save the day. I never thought I’d say this but honey, you need to put on a little weight!
Sigh. Last year’s list was so much more fun to write, because my hatred was so strong, but this list feels kind of meh. Why I’m complaining I don’t know, surely all we want to see are great movies? But there’s a weird joy in hate-writing about bad movies, and I haven’t had that yet this year. Send me your terrible suggestions folks!
Often Off Topic 
Totally agree Baywatch was truly awful and I too love Dwayne Johnson! Fifty Shades also bad, but expected. I luckily avoided the rest of them.
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I think I’ve done well to avoid a lot of this year’s stinkers so far to be honest, but it’s definitely no surprise that Fifty Shades is here!
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Yeah, I mean the books were pretty awful anyway so then adapting them to the screen even worse!
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First of all, wholly unnecessary to post any kind of lists only halfway through the year – Best or Worst. And the idea that you thought it was necessary to make 5 your magic number – and then struggle to name five – even filling it out with 2 movies that you actually seemed to have liked – makes it a bit ludicrous. To name a movie to your “worst” list because the “worst” thing you can say about it is – you don’t think you’ll be watching it again – isn’t much of a barometer. I would have trouble making a worst list – and do at the end of the actual year, NOT because I can’t find some truly terrible movies – but because most of the worst have trumpeted how bad they are by atrocious critical reviews and abominably low Rotten Tomatoes scores – thus freeing me from actually spending my money to see them and confirm what I’d heard going in.
I’ve seen Despicable Me 3, and although it would place 3rd in the series and I agree with you that the Minions steal the show, it is by no means bad. It is entertaining and clever and Steve Carell’s voicing of Gru is a pip. The 3 girls are adorable and what can you say about Minion Mel? It would be nowhere near my Ten Best List at year’s end, but it would be nowhere close to the bottom either. Same goes for Before I Fall – which I rather liked. That one actually made my Top 10 of the year so far list on another site. I hadn’t read the book, had no idea where it was going to land story-wise, was intrigued all the way. The acting was solid (including an underused Jennifer Beals as the mother) and I was invested enough in the Groundhog Day plotline to be genuinely concerned about some of the characters and what would become of them. Again, if this is the best you can do with your worst – then neither of these titles belong on your list.
As to the other 3 – they would conform with my earlier comments. I heard dreadful things about them – so I didn’t go to see them. Of the movies I have seen in calendar 2017 – if I were to pick the worst (without any pre-set number attached), they would be: “SILENCE”, which for the most part bored me to tears and I thought would never end (and I doubt would have ever been made had it not been a passion project of Martin Scorsese’s, for which he must have cashed in a bunch of accrued good will chips), “Patterson” about a poet writing bus driver. The movie, like the bus, goes in circles and ends up back where it started, “The Great Wall” – a Chinese financed extravaganza starring Matt Damon and his BIG PAYCHECK which was an absurd waste of a large budget and some celluloid, “KING ARTHUR” – absolutely dreadful. It actually stunk before the opening credits began. Everyone involved in this tripe should forfeit their Guild cards and be curtailed from making another movie for 2 years time (and I saw this for free at a pre-release screening – and still should have asked for my money back), and “47 Meters Down” which was a crapfest meant to ride the coattails of The Shallows – but was murky, stupid, overlong, badly acted and lousy enough that I was rooting for the sharks and wondering why it was taking them so long to eat the idiot lead characters.
THAT’S a worst of the year so far list…
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Now Michael, to criticise my decision to make a ‘worst so far’ list on my own, personal blog, just to end with a ‘worst so far’ list of your own…isn’t that a little hypocritical?
I make lists because they’re fun, and what good is a ‘Best of’ list without making a ‘Worst of’ list to accompany it?
Lighten up! 🙂
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My criticism was making an arbitrary list that contained titles of movies that even you said weren’t that bad. If that’s the case, why make the list at all? Why make a mid-year list. Wait til December. I’m sure there will be plenty of crap out in the next 6 months. Or you can just borrow a few titles from my list.
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Let’s say 2017 is filled with amazing movies. Every single movie is stellar. There’s still going to be a bottom 5 once you rank them!
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I’ve successfully avoided all of these 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m still going to watch Fifty Shades at some point, but I don’t expect it to be any good. Baywatch makes me sad though, I too really like Dwayne Johnson (and also Zac Efron!), and I LOVED Baywatch growing up. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but all the negative reviews are very disappointing 😦
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There may be hope yet!! I’ve never watched the original Baywatch series, so I don’t know how it compares. I REALLY hope you enjoy it, though!
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I haven’t seen any of these, thankfully.
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Some aren’t even that bad but yeah…they’re not going to be in many ‘Best of’ lists this year I don’t think.
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“Some aren’t even that bad…” That’s YOUR quote. Not making many “Best Of'” lists and being on a “worst” list are not the same. Missing one does not qualify you for the other or vice versa. There is a vast gulf in between of good/OK/interesting/not so great movies. By naming some not “…even that bad” movies to your interim WORST list – you do a great disservice to those filmmakers – and give others – who put out some truly dreadful work – a free pass.
I’d “lighten up” as you say – but I take movies quite seriously and have worked in the business for a long time, as have many of my friends. These lists are usually good for little more than lighting a fuse for a debate since it’s all one person’s opinion. To which you are of course, entitled. But if you choose to be the one to light the fuse – you really can’t criticize when the explosions don’t always go in the intended direction.
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I think you’ve missed the point entirely. This is my personal blog, that I write for fun in my spare time. I’m no film critic, in fact I state that fact more than enough.
If my opinions upset you that’s your problem not mine, but I won’t put up with comments here criticising the topics of which I choose to write about.
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I’m happy to confirm that I haven’t seen any of these yet. I might eventually watch Baywatch, maybe, just for the ab-ratio, but I’ll probably steer clear of the rest.
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It’s a mixed feeling isn’t it? I’m so glad that this list was so difficult to write to be fair, no one wants to watch a bunch of stinkers in a row!
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Nice list! I agree about Fifty Shades – they’re a fun night out or in without having a lot of expectations. But Darker had no intrigue, suspense or even drama. It was just awkward as hell. I’d still watch it for a chuckle (and Jamie/Dakota), intentional or not though! 😛
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Exactly! They’re always going to have a space on my DVD shelf for when the girls come over 🙂
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You missed the obvious Emoji movie.
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I haven’t even brought myself to watch that monstrosity yet!
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