Review: Colossal (2017)

colossal-movie-review-2017I am SO hyped up and excited to tell you all about Colossal, but equally bummed out because I can’t actually tell you that much without spoiling a truly weird and wonderful cinematic experience! I’m not sure Jenna believed me when I told her I wanted to see this for the crazy plot, mainly because Dan Stevens is in it and I’m developing a bit of an obsession, but honestly, I’ve been on the lookout for a movie that is both new and a bit unique, rather than a remake or sequel.

Here’s what I can tell you about the plot. Gloria (Anne Hathaway) is out of control and out of a job. Her party mentality forces her boyfriend Tim (Dan Stevens) to kick her out and force her to move back to her hometown. Around that time, a giant monster is reported to have attacked the city of Seoul, and Gloria discovers that she is directly connected to this monster.

It takes a while for the movie to kick itself into gear, I’ll admit. The first 20 minutes are largely unnecessary (apart from that intriguing opening scene) and it begins to feel like a stereotypical romcom. If you can get past that though, the rest is a wild ride. This isn’t a romance movie, as much as you might be thinking, especially when Gloria’s childhood friend Oscar (Jason Sudeikis) shows up. It’s also quite hilarious in moments, but it’s not a comedy. This is a drama that gets dark as hell towards the end. You’ve been warned!

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The whole main cast is wonderful. I haven’t seen much of Anne Hathaway but she’s a delight to watch in this, and not annoying in the slightest for playing such a destructive character. I love Jason Sudeikis’ comedies, but I’ve never seen him in a role like this, and whilst he’s not going to take home an Oscar for his performance, this dude can act! Dan Stevens is obviously wonderful (and British this time!) but his role is very minor.

What I really want to tell you though is to give this movie a chance. Watch the trailer, by all means, but know that the actual story is much bigger than you think it is. Don’t read up too much on it either, go in as blind as you can. It’s a miracle in 2017 to have a trailer actually give away very little about the story. I’m looking at you, Spider-Man: Homecoming!

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Colossal isn’t perfect. It’s messy at times, but it’s unique and I think it deserves so much credit for going out there and doing something different for a change. In a year full of sequels and remakes I have high hopes that Colossal will be in my Top 10 of 2017 by the end of the year! It gets 4 and a half out of 5 inflatable mattresses from me, an extra half point awarded for weirdness.

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Top 10 Nick Miller Quotes (New Girl)

Today is Jake Johnson’s birthday, and so to celebrate (or drown my sorrows knowing that the next season of New Girl is the last) I thought now was a better time than any to share some of my favourite Nick Miller quotes!

He’s a grumpy old soul, and unless Winston is planning one of his famous pranks, he’s also my favourite character in the show. It’s hard not to love him. Without further ado…

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#1 I wish I was witty enough to come up with a line like this every time I’ve been at a family function and not wanted to dance to the latest Beyonce hit.

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#2 In an old job I had, I got to take part in a fancy dinner as thanks for helping to organise it. The tables were round, and I accidentally took a bread roll from the wrong side of the plate. Chaos followed.

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#3 In the same job, we had some interns who hated us all, and we came across a string of emails in which they’d insulted us all. Mine? “She thinks she’s older than she is.” Well, sorry if I like cups of tea and bed by 9!

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#4 Same, Nick, same. Only my weird stuff is binge watching 13 Reasons Why and crying at videos of cute puppies.

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#5 Who doesn’t?

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#6 I’m getting soppy now I know, but I’ve been wishing for a happy Jess & Nick ending since the very first episode, and I could have filled this post with soppy quotes!

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#7 I’ve never been a diet kind of person. It’s not that I’m super skinny or anything, I just love food too much! Nick and I share the same views on this subject!

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#8 This is going to be one of the first things I ask after I give birth later this year. Until I realise I’d like to breastfeed. Then I’ll be sad.

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#9 Indeed it is! Especially when you only have 4 episodes of 13 Reasons Why left, and your friends are moaning that you’re taking longer than Clay to get through it all.

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#10 Yeah, I know. This isn’t a quote. But what face in New Girl is more recognizable than Nick Miller’s turtle face?!

Who else is going to miss New Girl when it all ends next year? I hope the cast move on to bigger things afterwards, I’ve really grown to love all of them. Jake Johnson has been in a few movies already, most recently a little indie movie on Netflix called Win It All. If you’re a fan it’s definitely worth a watch. I was just double checking the name of that movie and realised he’s also going to be in The Mummy this year too!

But anyway, what have I missed from this list? What’s your favourite Nick Miller quote?

 

 

 

My Movie Alphabet Vol 2 Blogathon

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It’s a super exciting month for one of my fellow bloggers, Mettel Ray, because her blog has just turned 7 years old! Back in 2012 she ran the Movie Alphabet Blogathon to celebrate her 400th post, and 5 years later she’s back with Vol 2! I wasn’t even a blogger back in 2012 and my movie knowledge was nothing short of awful, so I’m taking part for the first time, but who knows, maybe we’ll be doing this all over again in a few years time!

You’ve got until the end of May to take part so if you’d like to find out more, check out Mettel Ray’s original post here. There are a few rules, the most important of which are as follows:

1. List your favourite actors, actresses, movies or directors from # to z

2. I allow a little wiggle room: you may list two under one letter* because it is vol 2 after all!

*in that case, the choices have to be from different categories – actor/director, actress/movie, etc.*

3. If you participated last time, don’t look at your first movie alphabet before vol 2 is ready

4. Comparisons in between your new alphabet and the previous one are highly encouraged

5. Post your Movie Alphabet Vol 2 by the 31st of May, link back to this post and let me know here in the comments or over at twitter @MettelRay (and use the hashtag mettelrayse7en)

Before I start, I’m really sorry, I broke rule #2 several times. I tried not to, but it just happened. I also seem to be talking about Fight Club a lot recently too, so it’s just something I can’t help right now.

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(#) How many movies I’ve seen so far (Runner Up: 500 Days of Summer)

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(A) Adam Driver (Runner Up: Anna Kendrick)

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(B) BAFTAs Night (Runner Up: Birdman)

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(C) The Cornetto Trilogy (Runner Up: Crazy, Stupid, Love)

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(D) Disney (Runner Up: Denis Villenueve)

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(E) Emma Stone (Runner Up: Early Access Previews)

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(F) Fargo (Runner Up: Feast)

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(G) Guardians of the Galaxy (Runner Up: Gone Girl)

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(H) Harry Potter (Runner Up: Hunt for the Wilderpeople)

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(I) Inside Out (Runner Up: It Follows)

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(J) John Boyega (Runner Up: Jake Gyllenhaal)

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(K) Kubo and the Two Strings (Runner Up: Kingsman Secret Service)

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(L) Letterboxd (Runner Up: La La Land)

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(M) M. Night Shyamalan (Runner Up: Memento)

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(N) Napoleon Dynamite (Runner Up: Netflix)

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(O) Ohana (Runner Up: Once)

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(P) Pitch Perfect (Runner Up: Plot Twists)

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(Q) Quotes (Runner Up: Quentin Tarantino)

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(R) Ryan Reynolds (Runner Up: Ryan Gosling)

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(S) Star Wars (Runner Up: Sandra Bullock)

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(T) Taika Waititi (Runner Up: Trailers)

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(U) The Usual Suspects (Runner Up: Unbreakable)

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(V) National Lampoon’s Vacation (Runner Up: Vin Diesel)

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(W) Whiplash (Runner Up: What We Do in the Shadows)

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(X) ‘X’ Marks the Spot – Treasure Hunting Movies (Runner Up: X-Men)

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(Y) Yoda (Runner Up: Yes Man)

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(Z) Zootopia/Zootropolis (Runner Up: Zombieland)

Review: The Guest (2014)

the-guest-movie-review-2014It’s happening again, you guys. I can feel a new obsession coming on, and this time it’s in the form of Dan Stevens. I spotted The Guest on a monthly recap list another blogger wrote recently (I can’t remember who – sorry!) and it sounded like my cup of tea. The fact that Dan Stevens played the lead was intriguing, I’d so far seen him as a big furry beast and a messed up X-Men Mutant, so I was interested to see him in another role. I’ve got to say though, how does he managed to look so much like Bradley Cooper in this poster? It’s weird!

Anyway, the plot is simple enough. Dan Stevens plays David, a soldier who introduces himself to the Peterson family, claiming to be a friend of their Son who died in action. However, this isn’t a airy fairy drama where David reconnects a broken family or anything like that. Instead, a whole pile a seemingly accidental deaths take place, and things start to turn a bit weird.

I don’t even know how to describe the tone of this movie, it might be different for everyone. For me it was a cross between Drive and Crazy, Stupid, Love! It had those moody, dark scenes, a stand out soundtrack, but also some outrageously funny mentoring scenes and sex appeal. I’m not kidding about that last part! I had to send my friend Steph (she understands me) a screenshot of Dan Stevens stood seductively, knowing full well what he looked like, wet after a shower and naked except for a towel that was dangerously low. *cough* Is anyone else warm?

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If I tried to be a real blogger rather than a fangirl, I’d tell you that the pacing is completely off in parts, and that the final third is somewhat confusing and a bit of a cop out. It also feels quite long considering the reasonable runtime. I read though that around 20 minutes of footage got cut before the release, which explains the confusion at least. Nonetheless, it’s a movie well worth watching as it’s something a little bit different! Plus Dan Stevens. Did I mention how blue his eyes are?

So where do I go next? I really, REALLY don’t want to watch Downton Abbey (it’s not my cup of tea) and so before I start the downward spiral of working my way through his entire filmography, can any of your recommend me some good Dan Stevens movies? I’m off to see Colossal tomorrow night which I think he’s in, although in a minor role.

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But anyway, I do recommend The Guest, but only if there’s nothing big at the top of your watchlist. It’s a bit of fun, and it’s something both guys and gals will enjoy.

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Review: Alien: Covenant (2017)

alien-covenant-movie-review-2017Take this post with a pinch of salt and good humour. I’m not a Horror connoisseur, and I’ve watched approximately 2 and a half movies in the Alien franchise to date. They are the original Alien (actually kind of loved it), half of Aliens (it was on TV late at night, I’ll finish it someday) and Prometheus (saw it at the cinema, can’t remember anything). You’re probably wondering how I wound up at the cinema in the first place to see Alien: Covenant, right? It’s the husbands fault, despite being a wuss like me he loves the Alien series, and we’d both goaded each other into watching something scary together.

Here’s the plot, as I understand it. A ship bound for a faraway planet holds a small crew and a couple thousand frozen people ready to start a new colony (I’m not talking about Passengers I promise). Their ship is damaged and during repairs, one of the crew members’ helmet picks up a transmission from a much closer planet seemingly just as habitable as their original destination.

I’m not going to beat around the bush here. What ruins this movie is the fact that not one member of this crew seems to have watched a Horror movie before. This is 2 hours of dumb people doing dumb things. Here’s mistake numero uno: Months, if not years of research into this new planet must have taken place, and yet the crew change course on a whim, simply because none of them particularly want to go back into space sleep again.

Why not, do you ask? To tell you would ruin the surprise, but you know how much I can’t stand James Franco? I LOVE HIM in this movie. Best role he’s ever done, officially.

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While I’m at it, here’s some other stupid stuff that happens:
– Far too many people go off to investigate solo. Guys come on, you know that means you’re gonna die.
– Oh, you’ve managed to contain an alien in a locked room? Best open the door then!
– I dread to think how much all this tech cost, but apparently everyone’s shoes have the same grip as old Converse. Blood seems to be even more slippery than banana peel.
– What’s this creepy, squishy, giant alien egg here? Best stick my face in it!

I guess common sense isn’t a prerequisite for space travel, huh.

The movie’s highlight has to be Michael Fassbender, who just never puts in a bad performance. He’s in Covenant twice, because I completely forgot that he was also in Prometheus, and so we’re treated to double the Fassbender-robot action. Speaking of which…I simply can’t ignore the weirdly erotic flute playing scene where Fassbender-bot kisses himself…and talks about fingering…*cough*. It all got very awkward in that dark cinema room for a few minutes.

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Finally, movie makers, if I see your plot twist coming a mile off, you didn’t do a very good job. Although, thanks for making me feel smart, I had the most gleeful face when I got to call it before my husband did. He’s the kind of guy to call a plot twist during an opening sequence, and even though sometimes I think it’s luck and he’s just being an ass, I’m never 100% sure. He might have weird powers.

Who’s in for Prometheus 3 in a couple of years then? You can count me in, this piece of trash was hella fun! 2.5 out of 5 erotic bone flutes from me, that might be enough to share out with the remaining crew. You blow, and I’ll do the fingering. I can’t even type it without feeling the shame!

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